Chapter 11

Around a month passed by, and Ashima and Aarav, both struggling with their lives, were still living apart. It wasn’t easy, as Ashima guessed, but it was hard, as Aarav predicted. He never wanted to live a single day without her, but their ego clash tore them apart. Their lives were subjected to the harshest phase of their relationship. The breakup in the college days would have been much easier than this, going through a divorce, after living together, sleeping in one bed, being with each other 24/7. This was even harder than breaking up…

‘Some things are destined to occur at a definite time, and the timing plays the most important role…’ Ashima spoke aloud. She was reading a magazine about spirituality and mental health. Stuff that she found utterly boring in her college days, was her refuge now, after she lost almost everything in her life.

‘What would Aarav have been thinking about me? Does he love me even now? Does he even care if I’m alive?’ poisonous thoughts were wiping her off her conscious, and she was thinking about the impossible things.

‘What if he got another woman in his life? Maybe that’s the reason he never called me up or inquired about me.’

Her mind was becoming more and more vile and despicable. Her thoughts were dreadful and she started trembling.
‘Oh God, what’s happening to me?’

There was nobody whom she could call for help. She got up, walked to the kitchen and drank a glass of water. She felt better immediately. Maybe dehydration caused that sudden shiver down her spine, she thought, and returned back to her bedroom which was her silent abode.

‘Nobody cares for me, Aarav hasn’t called since over a month. He isn’t bothered whether I’m alive, or dead. Who the hell does it matter to, if I live?’ she thoughts, and opened the bedside drawer. Some random meds were lying there from her time of the accident. They were tranquilizers. She knew she wasn’t supposed to take them now, as she was alright, but she had no other option tonight.

She picked up a handful of capsules and pills, held a glass of water firmly in her right hand, and tightly clutched her left hand. She looked at herself in the mirror.

‘This is how I want HIM to find me, when I’m dead…’ she thought. She was looking beautiful even today.
She sat in front of the bed, on the ground, and opened her hand. The meds were all there, secured, and ready to kill her. Just one shot, and everything would be over, forever. But suddenly, her mind diverted from the suicide plan, to her own life, and she dropped the idea of killing herself. She ran in the bathroom and broke down.

After a few minutes of crying and sobbing and screaming and hitting the bathroom tiles with her bare wrist, she got up. Her head was spinning, she was witnessing dizziness, and she could hardly stand upright. She held the washbasin tightly, and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked horrible. This is who she actually was, a pale, weak, skinny woman, with dark circles under her eyes. The clothing and dressing cannot make one look good, health is always the priority.

Suddenly she felt a twitch in her stomach, and she burst out all the hatred and poisonous thoughts in the form of a vomit. She hadn’t been eating much these days, but that wouldn’t mean she would vomit.
It was almost a month that she had shifted in this apartment. She rushed to scan her cupboard and found a bag unopened. She opened it to find all the unused pads and tampons inside. She knew what she missed. It was her monthly menstrual cycle. She had missed her period.

Immediately she rushed to check a tiny diary which she used to mark the dates of her monthly cycle. It was almost two months that she was delayed. She couldn’t understand the cause of delay and this sudden vomit made her even more sceptical.

‘I need to get myself a check-up, immediately!’

She said to herself, and rushed down the building with her car keys dangling in her hand. She drove as fast as she could, and reached her gynaecologist. Luckily, she got the appointment within a few minutes and the doctor called her in, shortly afterwards.

‘Welcome, Mrs. Ashima, how are you feeling?’

‘Horrible!’

‘Why? Everything alright?’

‘Ummm…no, I guess not. I think I missed my period.’

‘Oh! That’s a wonderful news, you might be pregnant…’

Ashima sighed. These were the words she was so NOT prepared to hear. She wanted it to be anything, a tumour, a sickness, a normal delay, anything at all, but not pregnancy! She looked up at the roof of the visiting room, and all she could say was, ‘I hate you, Aarav…’

A WEEK LATER

‘Mom…’ Ashima called her mother-in-law.

‘Ashima? Are you alright? Why are you in a hurry?’

‘I’m pregnant, mom…’

‘Oh my God! That’s the best news I’ve heard since ages. I love you, sweetheart. Me and Aarav’s dad are coming to see you right away, where are you?’

‘I’m at home. I got a medical check-up a few days back and the doctors confirmed it. I need to talk to you, it’s urgent…’

‘Talk to me? About what?’

‘About getting an abortion…’